berry's daily activities

im coming out

2004-10-29T13:20:00.000-07:00

I've decided to come out of the closet about my history, who I am and how I feel. Why? I think it will make me a better person. It's not like I would have lied if you asked me, but I realized some of my actions are synonymous with those that I hate, some actions that caused my pain. As most of you know, I grew up tossed back and forth because my parents were divorced. My parents met in the military, separated when I was about 1 1/2, then about 8 years later, they remarried after living with their significant others about four years for my mom and five for my dad.

They married in the same month, possibly because they finally finalized their divorce a month before hand.

Anyway.... my mom retired from the army and married someone in the air force. My dad settled down in his home town of B'ham, AL. He got licensed as an assistant laboratory technician, while my mom, already on LVN began working for her RN. My mom was from NC, but we continued to move around because my stepfather was in the air force.

Now that you have a little background information, let’s talk about the matter at hand.

I grew up with my mom, visited my Dad every year during the summer and holidays. When my mother and I moved, which happened to be frequently, we would usually move to the suburbs. Yeah, we lived in the "hood" and in a trailer park once, but it was mostly suburbs, surrounded by whites. My Dad always lived in the hood, the ghetto or somewhere surrounded exclusively by blacks. Needless to say he was upset about me being around whites all the time. He claimed: pro black: but he was really extremely prejudiced, bordering on racism. I can't justify his behavior, but I can understand it, with him being a black man from the south, much less Alabama..... Birmingham, AL at that.

So In first grade I stayed in S.C. There was a lot of blatant prejudice against me, because I was one of the only blacks at the school. Most of it I didn't realize. Some of it was obvious.

Example: My best friend at the time was a short red headed white girl named Renee Sturkey. She gave me here number so we could talk. Then she told me her parents didn't like black people. So when I called, I would pretend to be her other friend, Melody.

Anyway, I was going through a lot of other things at that time. When I look back now, I'm stunned at what I went through as a kid. Although I went to a predominantly white school, my babysitters were always black and living in the PJs or the ghetto. That’s where I spent my time after school. They were horrible.... But that’s another story...... another chapter in my life.

I digress. Going to white schools taught me to speak correctly. I was already more proper than most KIDS period. Changing pronunciations like "da" to "the" and from "hongry" to "hungry" sent it over the top. Meanwhile I'm the latest phenomenon in Alabama.

"She's so proper!!!!” It was amazing to them. No one could understand it. I kind of felt like a freak show. Everywhere I want, my soon to be stepsisters would tell me to talk to other people so that they could sit in awe at how proper a six year old could speak....

I spent my time in South Carolina (S.C.) making parodies to songs like "My achy breaky heart", and trying heard to get the kids on the playground to let me line dance with them. When I really think about it, line dancing was kind of fun. It’s a lot like the electric slide... which was the first one I learned.

I loved to argue, still do. My dad was major Malcolm X type at the time. So when I went to B'ham all I heard was about how white people were trying to bring us down. That they hated us and the things they did to mistreat us. What I didn't understand then and don't understand now (we had heated arguments about race issues all the time) is how he could talk about whites today the same way the same way he would talk about their ancestors. I also didn't understand how he could talk about all white people, like they were the same... when he was really talking about ignorant people who are too close minded to realize everyone wasn't the same. To me he fit the category perfectly. What I realized is that if Renee had tried to call me I would have had to tell her the same thing about my dad. When would have pretended to be my other best friend, Jerica, who lived in B'ham. I vowed then I would always see whites, blacks, every color the same. That from me, every race would have equal treatment. In my book, all are trusted until proved otherwise.

That vow proved to be incredibly difficult to keep with time...

From South Carolina to North Carolina we went. There we joined a black, right wing fundamental, independent, bible believing, local, Baptist church.

Anyone who knows what I'm talking about knows that is INCREDIBLY rare. That church is where we got saved. So basically my mother and stepfather felt particularly bound to that denomination. Then we moved to S.A., TX, where there were no black, independent, fundamental, bible believing churches anywhere.....

So we joined a white church. Again I was the minority at my school, but in SA, the majority was Hispanics, whites then blacks. My first friend there was white. Then the nightmare began....

As much judgment as I received from the whites about my race in S.C. I never received more judgment or was so HURT when I was declared "not black" by black there. I couldn't understand. I LOVED my culture; I had been there with the ramen noodles, sugar and Kool-Aid candy and water in my cereal. I had been babysitted by the TV, I knew more about black history than the TEACHERS at my school. Bust somehow I wasn't "black". I was shunned by my own people. It didn't help that my religion at the time was extremely conservative.

Get this: I couldn’t listen to ANYTHING that wasn't gospel music, and only the old people singing country hymns at that. I was hardly allowed to watch TV. and then I was limited to PAX TV game shows. I wasn't allowed to dance, which is my passion. My clothes... I won't even go there. My stepfather wouldn't let me go to the mall, talk on the phone or go over other people's house. Parties were out of the question unless someone at church was throwing it. So I was PAINFULLY sheltered. What's sad is that I was sheltered... too late. I had already experienced pretty much everything I didn't need to when I was younger. So the sheltering didn't keep me from knowing anything I didn't already know. I just SMOTHERED me. I blame my stepfather for EVERYTHING. To me he is the cause of all of it, because life wasn’t hell until my mom started living with him. .....But that is something I need to work out with myself. I need to grow and forgive him, though he never asked for it.

So what did I do?

I buried myself in books. That’s how I got away. That’s how I coped. I read so much it was ridiculous, that's what I was known for.

Then I began to isolate myself... Away from my white friends and associates (so close can you be if you never see them outside of class?)

It hurt too much to be classified as "not black". Not only did I feel this judgment from my peers, I felt it from my family. My dad, my uncles my cousins... it hurt so much. I even isolated myself from them. I also got it from my fam on my mom's side in NC. I wasn't any defend from them. I had been through the same things, on BOTH ends of the spectrum. But because I spoke "white" dressed "weird" and didn't know what the hell was going on with J lo and Puff Daddy... or who Master P was.... or even 2pac and BIG ... until they were dead, I wasn't "black". So I isolated myself completely from whites and blacks. I didn't want to be "white" and I was afraid, and didn't know how to approach blacks anymore. I was pretty much by myself and to this day... to be completely honest, I get nervous around a room full of blacks, because I still harbor that stigma in the back of my mind, that I'll be judged "white". ...

I began learning Spanish. At first because my mom made me, then because I loved the language. I began to try to talk to blacks w/ the occasional Hispanic exclusively. I still didn't think any less of whites, but at the time it was more important to me that I be accepted by blacks, and that’s what I felt needed to occur for it to happen. That was my cause for supporting day facto segregation (sp.). I hated stereotypes, but I wanted to be accepted. So I let people tell me that blacks don't skate, only white people do extreme sports, only blacks do this, only whites do that... I listened to and tolerated people blaming an individual's actions on that person's race. As funny as these sayings may be ... the LIMIT US!!!! If Eminem listened to people when they said that whites couldn't rap, and stopped rapping in order to be accepted, we wouldn't have one of the greatest today. If Tiger listened to people when they said black couldn't golf... It would have been a SHAME. I can only imagine what he may have felt being a black golfer. He was more than likely criticized and outcasts by blacks growing up. Now we want to claim him... and have the NERVE to be upset that he married out of his race.... smh.

So I isolated myself from whites, not because I though any less of them, but because I didn't want to be associated with them. I learned ho to braid, I started sneaking to watch the Fresh Prince and listen to Aaliyah. As I started hearing and seeing more and more, I opened my mind and started thinking freely. .. questioning what I was told at church. Don't get me wrong. I'm still a Christian, but I don't agree with everything I was brainwashed with growing up. While I was in San Antonio, I fell in love with the Hispanic culture. I wouldn't tolerate anything said about them whenever I went to NC. Or AL. from people who knew nothing of Hispanic life or culture.

Then, eventually, I graduated from high school and came to UAB. ... Still trying to associate myself with blacks the best I could... I felt I had something to prove. I started talking to more white people, cared less about being associated about them. I'm going to tell you now.. I now realize I don't have to prove to anybody not a damn thing. If you don't like it then go about your business and don't get in mine. (sorry.. I had a spasm of turrets. Anyway, I really got into the interntet and open forums. I read some really stupid, ignorant stuff. I also read some PROFOUND things. I began to evaluate myself some more. I joined a fraternty called KKPsi. It had a few blacks when I joined, but they left my sophomore year. I felt insecure again, because I was in a fraternity with a majority of white males. Sometimes I chilled with the brother of my frat from an HBCU, and I still do. I thought I was redeeming myself. I love my brothers from UAB. They have proven themselves as true brothers, there for me through thick and thin. The brothers at the HABCU, when push comes to shove, I know they will be there for me. But its nothing like the love I feel from the theta theta chapter at UAB.

On that note, I went to a PABB trip. NACA convention... I took the place of the president of the Black Student Awareness Committee, because she couldn't make it. I was accompanied by white student leaders and advisors. I decided to stop what I was doing by isolating myself. I talked to them without inhibitions and didn't worry about what other people thought about me being with them, associating myself with them.

I enjoyed myself.

I'm not ashamed to admit it. Their company was nice; thought being bombarded by one horrible performance after another was trying. They made some assumptions about me that weren't true and sometimes I had to set them straight. For example, they assumed I was really into rap. I do like some rap, but I’m more of a neo soul, R&B, and blues kind of person. When they asked me questions about my hair, and my culture, I didn't get annoyed like I used to sometimes, because we can't grow unless we KNOW. Knowledge is power people. Get out and learn about other cultures. I guarantee awareness will cut down the majority of racism.

So I have come to the conclusion that all my friends need not be black. Not that I consciously thought they should be before, or that all my friends ARE black as it is..... But I have come to realize that people I can best relate with aren't always black. Basically, just because someone is black, doesn't mean they understand me better or can relate better with me. If someone things I'm white because I have white friends, then they aren't worth my time anyway. They are not on my level yet, and maybe I can help some people get there by writing this long ass paper.

What I'm trying to say is that I'm going to stop walking into a room and automatically heading toward the darker side. I will no longer specifically seek out black friends. I will no longer let ignorance hurt me. I will no longer assist it in hurting others.

Thanks for reading,

Jessica Latten.

aka @~

nah nana NAH NAH

2004-08-02T19:10:00.000-07:00

Ahhhhh... I never thought I would say it, but it feels SO good to be home.

I think ill do a throw back and go day by day like I used to..... well ... ill start with friday and go on to now which is monday night.

Friday:

I really can't remember it too well... I remember that I watched Urban Legends that night, after a day of looking and researching different urban legends and stories around the country. Urban Legends was pretty good. I knew it was the bestfriend halfway through the movie. *smirking* ... I hear there is a sequel... and I also hear it SUCKS.

I think i wanna see it anyway. lol.

later my dad and I went to check out an urban legend around b'ham. he says a kid got killed by his brother and u can see him sitting next to the
house he was murdered in. My dad used to see it all the time. He told me it was a ghost. We went to see it and it was gone. Obviously the brother moved. We asked my uncle about it, who allegedly sees dead people he said they moved a while back. Then I asked my other uncle's baby's momma and SHE said it was embalmed anyway. No one knows for sure though. eerie huh?

The next day, SATURDAY.... I had to wake up early for work. This was actually the first time I ever had to work on a weekend. I felt nauseated during the first half of work, I don't understand why. .... it got better later.

After work, I went to my friend Jeff's dorm because I had nothing better to do. I ended up helping him finish a report for his astrology class. Mind you... I've never taken astrology.

I keep telling him.. he NEEDS to learn how to do stuff on his own, because NO one is going to hold his hand for the rest of his life. He keeps saying I need to help him w/ everything... growing his hair out, his school work, keeping his dorm clean... HE IS A GROWN ASS MAN. He can read how to take care of his hair on the net, if he is having such a hard time... he can get a tutor.. i think it's mostly laziness, and an idiot can keep a room clean. smh. YEA JEFF... I'm TALKING ABOUT UR ASS... I SAID IT... YOUR DORM IS NASTY AS HELL!

but other than that he is mad cool.

after that, I went to Collegiate hall to sign up for a dorm, but my dad came after me... and there is this whole mess about who is paying my dorm fee. I know my dad is doing the application fee.. but my mom is paying rent. I needed all my mom's info.. and i couldn't contact her... another downside to having divorced parents. I haven't been able to contact her yet. So I really don't know what to do... especially since i start band camp on the 8th, and I really want to move out by then... cuz band camp AND moving will be horrible at one time.

so my mom said she would download the application... i hope she does soon.

Saturday... that evening I was about to go to the bowling ally... and obviously my dad hadn't told my stepmom we were going cuz she got upset that we weren't taking Boy and Katie... my niece and nephew. So then I offered to take them, and it was all cool.

BUT.. before we left i was talking to Chris online.. and I had on my webcam... and I got my envolope of music for band... I was SUPER exited. then i made everyone leave the room so i could change clothes

I forgot Chris was still watching on the cam.

I had music on like usual while i changed clothes.. and i DO usually dance while I'm in my room alone. ...

... It wasn't like I was stripping... I was just dancing w/ my shirt off.

then I realized Chris was watching...

If I was white.. I would have been BEAT RED. I was SO EMBARRASSED!!! he is the only person I know that makes me care how stupid I look in front of him.

but anyway.

My dad, my niece, nephew, cousin Tia' dra, cousin Selena and I went to the bowling alley cuz it was too late for the skating rink. It was pretty cool... I mean... this bowling rink had the works.... an arcade, a DJ, fog coming out of the alleys and food spots. I HAD SO MUCH fun. My cousin, of course being the pimp she is.. got a few phone numbers. in particular.. one from this guy she says she has been crushing on for a long time.

Any way... one of those days, at the skating rink I started dancing.

I start throwing down... seriously. and split my pants. SMH.

I still got a few compliments from a few people that didn't know any better. Good thing I had a pair of oversized sweatpants in the trunk of my car.

While we were having a GREAT time at the rink... my cousin Tamiko was having a baby...

SUNDAY

So I woke up the next day to the message about my cousin having a kid.
I rushed to the hospital... its a beautiful baby GIRL. I love her already.

I was bout to say i didn't remember what happened for the rest of the day... but now I do.

So I took Pudd to see her "friend" that day. and i guess to get me out of the way, he had his cousin with him.

I was so .... mentally deprived. starved.

there were ALOT of corny movie jokes made. alot of complaining that I wouldn't laugh at corny jokes.... I mean... u know how some jokes are so corny they are funny?... these jokes went beyond horribly corny. I couldn't have laughed if i tried.

thats NOT what's hot now. that ISN't what is on the market.

Tia didn't like her "friend" either.

That night I had a refreshing conversation w/ Chris on the phone about what we would name our kids. yup.

Monday:

tried the HELL outta my nerves. just running around places. trying to get my class straightened out.... then trying to find some other friend of Tia's.... *sigh* I dunno if i can b doing that all the time.

I don't feel like going through all of the details of that... it will just urk me more.

So afterwards I drove home... stopped by walmart to put my cam.... then... called Joyce and a friend of hers that i knew, Al, died.

I feel bad for her fam.. I didn't even know she was sick. She was a sweet lady. I liked her.

I've been looking up alot of neo soul lately... I think I may actually BUY an album. YAY!!

by the way.. that urban legend about the ohio players and the roller coaster of love.. Isn't true.
neither is what tommy said about blacks and hispanics wearing his clothes.

i just got stuck w/ Isaiah... who keeps trying to strangle and rape me.

so ill holla at yall lata....

i eat burnt hot dogs when i'm hungry

2004-07-27T13:43:00.000-07:00

I'm bored. I've been off of work for an awfully long time now. I've developed a fascination for blogs since i joined blogspot. I haven't even looked at forums for real in the past few days. I think I may be growing out of it. (sorry fam).

I've started a separate blog, a fictional one about a vampire. check it out.... www.bloodizlife.blogspot.com. don't be scared. and please leave comments. i went through alot for that freakin tagboard.

I still need to give this blog a face lift. I might make it myself

um.... I got a parking ticket... i was kinda late paying for it. and im scared to see what the late fee is. im scurred.

Soo.. I cooked yesterday. I felt bad for my stepmom. so i cooked. now i have a feeling i'll be doing it alot more often.

My dad and I watched Bordello of Blood by tales from the crypt yesterday. man I LOVE tales from the crypt. dude is SO funny. it was pretty good though.

Lately I've been going to a site called http://www.snopes.com/ it has alot of urban legends, their are scary ones and funny ones. i think ill start putting some on my page sometimes:

Claim: Cher had her lowest pair of ribs surgically removed to achieve an ultra-small waist.
Status: False.
Variations:
Women who have been rumored to have spared ribs to the goddess of vanity are: Cher, Elizabeth Taylor, Jane Fonda, Racquel Welch, Tori Spelling, Pamela Anderson, Gina Lollobrigida, Victoria's Secret model Stephanie Seymour, Kate Moss, and Britney Spears.
Male rocker Marilyn Manson has also battled false rumors he's had ribs removed. In his case though, the procedure wasn't to reduce waist size; it was to facilitate oral self-gratification. (Alluding to this naughty rumor about Marilyn Manson, Rosie O'Donnell once joked that she'd had four ribs put in . . . at Tony Roma's.)

I heard that rumor. about Marilyin Manson. haha. i guess its NOT true.

kay.... lets see what imma do w/ this blog... again.

stfu watcher.

2004-07-25T15:02:00.000-07:00

I'm PISSED off at Watcher right now. She knows why.

NEXT SUBJECT.

So yesterday, I went over to my granny's house, my lil cousin Tia'dra, aka Pudd, aka Lil Demon stays there also, with her mom. So I picked Tia up with her best friend Courtney to go to the gas station, because Tia is an intern for the hip hop radio station here, 95.7 Jams. They were doing a promo at the radio station for whatever reason and she needed a ride. I met her boss Rodney, 22 years old, who tried to hit on me. Funny thing is... while he was trying to talk to me, I saw my TBS sis, Christina, pretending to shoot me with her finger. I freaked out, ran over there and gave her a hug.

leaving Rodney all surprised and ish.

haha. but any way... i met some guy named Chris that works as an intern w/ Tia. I didn't think he was cute personally, but everyone there is crazy about him.

I got bored and cleaned my car, while eating some chicken i packed before I left home. Can you BELIEVE Joyce whiped herself with CHLORINE so that she could make some chicken and rice? sometimes I wonder about her sanity.

We left the gas station and picked up Dee... Tia's play brother and Selena, my other cousin. We spent a couple of hours looking for some boys associated with Tia and Courtney. They wanted to beat up someone for whatever reason. I doubt they were serious. But no one was home anyway *shrug*.

Drama associated w/ Tia Sat.: Her X bf, Rodrick, is acting like he doesn't want to get back with her. The reason that they broke up is because he left somewhere for 2 weeks w/o telling Tia, so she left him and hooked up w/ someone else. Then he came back hurt. I still don't know where he went.
    So now, Tia wants him back. But Rodrick is enjoying the single life now, so he is a bit hesitant.
   But YESTERDAY, his friend CJ told Tia that Rodrick already had 3 or 4 chicks on the side. So my lil cuz was ... quite a bit depressed. And I felt... quite a bit violent.
We weren't going to let that ruin our night though, so we went to Cee Cee's pizza (sp.) and then to the Galleria, where Tia asked every cute dude there for a hug, in the feeble attempt to make herself feel better. Only to find out later that CJ was playing.
  At the mall I saw my friend Chris. (alot of Chrises right?) He was actually one of my roomates close friends. he joined our group and we went to ambercrombie and finch to find him a new shirt. .... the first time i SERIOUSLY looked in that store. the prices are RIDICULOUS. I saw a pair of jeans in there for $138. I won't pay over 30 dollars for a pair of jeans. and most of the ones i get are around $20 dollars. What surprised me about Chris was that he acted like he knew me. Cuz the first time he saw me w/ my hair cut, he was just like... ur hair... its... nappy... why? Im like (so is urs, dumbass.) ....imma let him figure it out on his own.

But then later we went to see Courtney's man, Koolaid, who was moving to LA that night. We let them spend their "quality" time together. I know how it feels to be seperated from someone u love (Chris). I got pissed off when Selena gave Dee a Black and Mild. AND it broke my heart to see my lil cousin smoke that shit like a pro. I kept it away from them at first, but i knew that it wouldn't keep them from smoking it. So I let them have a couple of puffs and then put it out. But i got REAL mad when later on in the car Selena gave them ANOTHER one. Then I said something, cuz they were in the back seat, I don't think they realized I knew what was going on. But I let them know I wasn't stupid. Its sad when you feel you need to be accepted so much that you would give a damn cigar to some kids.

but thats enough about that.

So I dropped them off, and stood outside w/ my friend June Bug, who keeps getting in trouble, so they are sending him to Washington with his cousin, Stank, who is my sister's X husband, in hopes that it turns his life around. He gets in alot of trouble down here. I'm gonna miss him. He swears I'm gonna marry him one day. I don't like him like that. I hug him and he keeps trying to kiss me.
I hurt my left knee stomping at a kitten so that it would scare him out of the road. I swear those cats have a death wish.
I got a call last night that my stepmom went to the hospital last night, but i couldn't find out what hospital it was. I would have went too.

This morning...

it was kinda funny.

I called gas station Chris about noon, (then number was on Tia's caller ID) and told him my name was Dionne. Then I told him I would be at the Galleria later today at 5. and for him to meet me there. he all the way pretended to know who i was. what does that tell u?
then I called Rodney and told him the same thing. the bad thing is...

I didn't know that they lived together.

So, of course Rodney figured it out. he wasn't mad, but Chris was. I think its cuz i made him feel stupid. I felt guilty about it... but that shit was FUNNY. and i think they deserved it. (both are proclaimed pimps) I apologized through text message anyway, cuz i didn't want Tia to catch any ish about it. Rodney replied talking about make it up to him. I asked how. He said he was a freak. and I said now HE was playing. Then he told me to call him, and I did. By this time i was driving home. I told him i would give his ass a hug. but he kept playing like he want me to give him head.

So then I just said... Look. I just wanted to apologize. please relay that message to Chris too. then he said he was just playing to, and that we were cool.

Then I went home, cooked Joyce breakfast... for some reason the oven kept turning off. I don't know. So everything was perfect... cept the toast wouldn't finish. I wish I hadn't... cuz i was trying hard to keep her thinking I couldn't cook.

then I watch TLC and they were turning someone into a fitness guru. it was funny cuz the trainer looked worse than she did.

.. that's pretty much it. here is a graphic by Eville that I thought was pretty cool.

I was discovered at blogdrive

2004-07-23T10:43:00.000-07:00

so... I decided to move to blogspot. If i told u my new url, i'm glad u found me. But if you are here, and you know I don't want u to be here.... please..... kindly click the red X on the top right hand corner of this page.

Now. goodness... I have to get to know this spot alittle and see what I can do.

Lets see... I guess I'll start by describing my day yesterday and so far today.

YESTERDAY

Well. Basically I took care of some stuff for this organization I'm in. Black Student Awarenes Committee, aka Black SAC. I'm the Co Coordinator of their outreach programs at UAB, my school. I was interviewed and accepted at the end of last school year, and I knew we were having summer meetings, but no one had gotten in contact with me for them. Then I ran into Keya, the president, who said she had been calling and emailing me. Come to find out they had 3 meetings I didn't know about. So, yesterday, in my attempt to catch up, I spend my day trying to get things in order for that. First I found the bus station so that I could see what route to take so that we could go to south town projects. Then I went to Children's Hospital, where my dad works, to see how we could work it out over there. The guy in charge of the volunteer work over there, said that Keya and someone else, probably Kimberly, had been over there several times. So he basically told me to get my ish together and come back. Then I went over to talk to my dad, and i ended up waiting a couple of hours to go eat lunch with him. .... Then I went to the meeting, and it was pretty good, I didn't know they were going to be so... professional. All my KKPsi meetings are mad laid back. We need to get that fixed. Cuz some peeps aren't taking it as seriously as they should. But anyway, at the meeting, Keya realized she had my email address wrong and apologized. I think I look up to her. She is dark skinned and heavy set w/ short hair. And she is BEAUTIFUL. I swear she is so pretty. I admire her leadership skills and her heart, she is very caring, but NO ONE is going to take her kindness for weakness. Props to her. Keep doin ur thang.

When I got home, as soon as i walked in i was given my nephew Isaiah to care for. It seems he has fallen in love with me. Cuz he cries with everyone else. the REALLY bad news is that he had JUST woken up, so he wasn't bout to go to sleep any time soon. His mom came home before he went to sleep. I believe I fell asleep w/ Chris on the phone several times.

TODAY

My dad woke me up all early to put beads in his hair. Apparently he found someone to braid his hair at his job, and I guess I'm the only one he knows who can put the beads in the way he likes. I don't know why but lately he hasn't asked me to do his hair for him. i think he doesn't want to bother me. After that I could go back to sleep. Then Joyce, my stepmom, called me to make her breakfast for her. Its funny how they think I can't cook. But I'm gonna continue to let them think that. Cuz I don't want to be called to cook something every other second. By the way, Joyce has gotten staph infection again, thats why she hasn't been in the kitchen. ... ugh, I need to put my clothes away, I did alot of laundry yesterday. I was gonna say something else. but i forgot.... SOWWY.

now let me figure out what to do with this blog.